brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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