You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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