i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
