Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
