You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
