people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
