End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
