We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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