i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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