Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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