u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize