Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i think im in europe. pls send help
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize