It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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