I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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