Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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