Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
