I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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