Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
