the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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