Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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