Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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