He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
