Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
