It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
