I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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