I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
