I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
