i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
