it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
