listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
