i think my tv is drunk
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
