just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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