Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
