i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
