Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
