If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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