bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
