I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
