I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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