Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
