I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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