I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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