My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
