he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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