remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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