i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize