I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
