Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
