I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
