Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
