Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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