Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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