I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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