Farmville is her only friend.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize