I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
