you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
