Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
