Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
