Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
