too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
