he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You have to summon your inner elephant
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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